Why?! So many emotions…

I feel like Tumblr is going to be my new journal. Thanks Shayne, I needed this.

As I lie here on the cold tile floor of Shayne’s grandparents’ house and watch the reflection of Shayne’s current lightshow in the white tile, I feel a mix of emotions.

The upbeat Zelda song that he’s raving to makes me happy.

The lightshow itself is making me smile.

Remembering the last two messages that I read on Facebook make me want to cry and punch something until it breaks all at the same time. G-d, I wish that you could bless my family, my EXTENDED family (since my absolutely immediate family already understands) with a bit of enlightenment and acceptance. I just need them to understand what I see in you. G-d, I feel like throwing up everything that I just ate.

I have other emotions, but then I look at Dyana and her cuteness makes me forget them. Lord, thank you so much for blessing me with these amazing friends.

Alex just showed me a picture of a boy with a penny and a key stuck to his back; it made me laugh. Laughter is good.

But I’m still angry. It makes me want to call the only person that I know who knows how to deal with anger the way that I need to deal with it. Will I? Do I really need to?

I don’t think so, but I might do it anyway.

Shayne and Dyana are about to play chess and Shayne just popped out with “well I definitely don’t want to be black.” I cracked up. Like I said, laughter is good.

But once the laughter stops, I go back to the anger. This sucks. But, I do enjoy this real-time journaling - it seems healthy.

More trippy music. Feeling antsy, and a little ticked at the “passive aggressive” comment. If you want something done, do it yourself. Don’t ask others to do it for you. AND mind your own business. I understand that I, as a family member, am your business, but there is a line. Please stop crossing it? Because now instead of telling my parents how to parent me, you’re inadvertantly telling me how to live my life.

Do I appreciate the input? Of course. But it would be much better received were it not slightly condescending. You probably don’t mean it that way, but after so many years of being used to that tone from you both, it’s how I take most of the things you tell me.

Do I love you both? Yes I do.
Do I value your opinions? Sometimes.
Do I appreciate the way you use the word “cult” when describing the church I attend and my religious practices? Not at all.
Do I want you to back off and stop insinuating that I’m being brainwashed/lied to/stolen from/taken advantage of? Hell yes, PLEASE!

Thank you for your opinions, but please refrain from bashing my religious decisions. If I say that I feel the love and power of Jesus Christ, just say “I’m really happy for you, sweetie” and go on with your lives, please and thank you.

Like I said, I love you, but PLEASE, if you love me, just drop it. Thanks ever so.

[[Originally posted July 13, 2012]]
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